A Mommy Confession...

So last night was rough. You had been doing so well sleeping and all of a sudden for whatever reason you just couldn't sleep for longer then an hour at a time. We would hold you, change you, feed you...yet you kept waking up. I felt so helpless. I wanted you to get a good night's sleep sooo bad because I knew it was better for you (plus I wouldn't mind getting as much sleep as I had the last couple of nights! :)

About my 3rd time to get up and try to console you...I started hearing the voices. "You don't know what your doing" "If you had kept him up longer during the day then he would be sleeping better" "If you had done something different he wouldn't be fussy" "If you were a better mom this wouldn't be happening" on and on they went...I could feel the pressure I was putting on myself as I held you and tried to get you to stop crying.

Well its morning now, and you are sound asleep in your swing. As I'm sitting here praying for you I realized something. I'm not going to be perfect. Granted, I realize now that even if I was doing everything "perfectly" you would still have nights like that. Your a baby. Babies cry and its ok. But as I prayed against the voices that I had allowed to effect me last night God reminded me that I'm not perfect and thats ok.

So son, I can't promise you that I'm going to be the perfect mommy. There are going to be times that I make a wrong decision. There are going to be times when your older that I might say something that hurts you. There are going to be times that I make mistakes and you suffer for it. But I can promise you this.... I love you with every part of me. So though I might not do things perfectly... I am going to love you like crazy. I never want you to doubt or question my love for you.

I love you so much that I'm going to point you toward the person who IS perfect. Who won't let you down and who doesn't make mistakes. You have a heavenly father who loves you even more then I do. And even when I make mistakes, I promise that I will point you toward Him.

You just woke up and your hungry. I can't wait to play with you today...